what about all the times that we disrespect ourselves?
today i stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom after i turned the shower on and stared at my naked body until the mirror steamed up from the hot water. it was probably one of the most wasteful things i've done in a while, and i'm not talking about letting the water run.
instead of embracing myself for being a healthy 24 year old woman i chose to nitpick and be ashamed of who i am and what i look like.
what ran through my head? you may ask. well, it went a little something like this:
and in this moment i chose to disrespect myself.
not only did i disrespect myself but i disrespected all those who got me to the person i am today. the doctors that saved my life, the parents that fed me well and kept me in my strict dietary guidelines when i had allergies, the sisters that encouraged me to eat as a kid and who molded me by being the best role models i could ask for. the boyfriend who i struggle to make eye contact with when he tells me i'm beautiful and that i shouldn't be ashamed of how i look. those who care i disregarded their love, their willingness to help. i take them, their words, their actions for granted.
you see, then, that the struggle with my self esteem and self worth exists, and it's been a struggle i've dealt with for a long time. being bullied, being "different"...it stuck with me in the most painful way possible. but now that i've recognized the amount of disrespect that i've allowed to manifest itself in my life, how do i get out of the hole i've dug?
a changed perspective.
these are things i need to work on one at a time and in due time they will all fall into place together. tackling one bad habit at a time is easier than trying to bear hug several habits and feel like things are out of control.
patience - to realize that fitness isn't an overnight change, that there are other things in life that will feel like a marathon, to realize that success isn't one large feat, but multiple little feats accomplished regularly.
self-love - to understand that life is a series of events and fluctuations, and that my body and my mood and my circumstances will all change as a result of these series of events. to embrace the changes that come with said events.
respect - to give my body the nourishment it deserves. to let myself run free if i choose to do so. to let myself stretch and laugh and cry if i want to. to understand that i can and will be emotional, and that i should listen to those around me who want what's best for me. to take care of myself and to take care of those i care about. to not take others' concern for granted.
a changed perspective - to become the person that i want to be. to figure who that person is, and to embrace the journey that will lead to who i'll become.